Can You Write During a Vow of Silence

1. What It's Like During a Vow of Silence
1. Deprival and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Low
5. Acceptance
2. How to Have a Vow of Silence
1. Know Your Why
2. Your Rules
3. Timing
4. Logistics
5. Alert People
6. Prepare Special Activities
7. Information technology'due south Selfish
8. End on a High

Fun Fact: When y'all are silent people have the tendency to yell at you.

One of four flashcards I used during my vow of silence.

They also become more than blithe–i coffee barista tried using sign linguistic communication. All I wanted to exercise was scream:

Just considering I am silent doesn't mean I can't hear!

Just of course, I couldn't say a word. So I let people yell at me and took mental notes for the moment I would be able to write this post for y'all.

I never idea I would miss words so much.

Then far I accept spent x days of my life in complete silence–those are some of the hardest, about introspective, interesting days of my life. And yes, I highly recommend information technology.

Confession: Silence terrifies me.

Awkward pauses literally make my heart pound out of my chest. In order to forbid these awkward moments from happening I have the bad habit of interrupting someone only in instance in that location *might* exist a long pause. Non only is this incredibly rude and a terrible manner to collaborate, information technology too forces me to call back pre-programme my statements.

There is null worse than someone who is only one-half listening to yous while they simply recall about their ain response. I am that person. I am trying not to be.

Enter: Vow of Silence.

I realized the but way to adjourn my interrupting and over-thinking addiction was to go cold turkey. No talking at all. If I tin can't respond at all, then in that location is nothing to pre-program. When I tin can't speak, all I can do is listen.

During my vows of silence I practise everything I unremarkably do–networking events, business masterminds, outings with friends merely I don't speak and I don't write. My number 1 goal is to be supportive and truly and deeply listen to those effectually me.

What It'south Similar During a Vow of Silence

It's similar you're mourning the death of your ability to speak.

This crazy matter happens when people are speaking to you and yous tin't speak dorsum. While sitting silently in one of my masterminds this week I realized information technology'south very much similar the v Stages of Grief…except you are mourning the cease of your speaking and entering into the 5 Stages of Silence. No joke, I go through each of these 5 stages every unmarried time I see someone new during my vow. It doesn't happen just once at the outset, it often happens over and over once more during each new interaction. Here'south what happens:

Denial and Isolation

The first reaction to non being able to speak is to try to pretend information technology's not happening and deny the reality of the situation. Yes, people will ask you questions and you won't be able to respond. Yes, people will say things that really bother you lot and you won't be able to say a *** give-and-take! Denial is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions–and non being able to use your major mode of communication is completely overwhelming (at first). This is a defense force mechanism that buffers the immediate fearfulness of being silent and judged or missing out.

Merely to exist clear: The kickoff few moments of not speaking are the worst. At my first silent networking event I broke out in a sweat, my stomach started to cramp and I felt the desire to run from the room. Be prepared for this–information technology'southward denial at information technology's all-time. It does go better…read on.

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Anger

As the reality sets in and you realize, truly, you can't say anything. An intense feeling comes upwards: I am not set up for this. I call up this intense emotion comes from our vulnerable core, because we are terrified people will judge us, non like usa or nosotros won't exist able to stand for ourselves. This vulnerability comes out as anger. Rationally, nosotros know that we chose to be silent, just it nonetheless feels infuriating at first that nosotros decided to do information technology! I call up frustration is the all-time way to draw this stage. Specifically:

• You lot prove people a card saying you are on a vow of silence and and so they ask you how it's going. Bah!
• You have advice for a friend going through something just you tin't say anything. Bah!
• You have a really, really funny joke to add to the conversation. Bah!
• Someone says something virtually you and you are dying to right them. Bah!

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Bargaining

At some point you begin to hope that maybe you lot could figure out a way to limited something. You use body language and eyebrow flashes. You point and gesticulate wildly. You make frustrated sounds and stomp your pes. Nope, still y'all can't talk–and virtually likely you lot tin't express much. Vow of Silences are for listening and introspection Not expression. That is a tough pill to swallow and and then we bargain with it for every bit long as possible earlier…

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Low

It is incredible the depth of tremendous sadness you feel when you tin can't express yourself. I have never had such a bang-up appreciation for those who are truly unable to speak. Once I have realized that I can't bargain my way into advice, there is a sadness and regret that frequently floods into my body. I welcome this stage because I call up this is what information technology truly means to be out of your comfort zone. I find information technology interesting to pay attention to when this happens during a vow of silence. Aha moments for me:

• I want to help! I forget how ofttimes people ask for advice or feedback–and how often I likewise need aid and feedback. When you can't speak you are alone with your problems and they are solitary with theirs. This brought me great sadness during my vow. Withal, non focusing on the solution permit me be fully present and deep swoop even further into the problem. It'due south amazing how your silence makes people dig deep. I couldn't solve her problem, but I could listen deeply.
• Yesterday, a friend told me well-nigh a difficult fourth dimension she was experiencing. I couldn't reply verbally so I hugged her. Information technology wasn't enough. This showed me how important verbal empathy is to our connections and how much it helps me AND her to show compassion and understanding towards other human being beings.
• At one of my meetings someone mentioned a professional person frustration–she has mentioned this same frustration many times before. In the past, I leap in with suggestions and solutions. Only because I was silent I heard her for real and noticed the pattern–my suggestions aren't working. I was deplorable not to help, but in my silence I realized I haven't been helping. When I actually listened I heard that what she is dealing with is emotional, non professional person. I was sad I couldn't share it right abroad (our next meeting should be adept!) but excited to see it for the first time.

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Credence

Many people quit their vow before reaching this phase. They feel frustrated and say, "F*** this!" Or they experience incapacitated and they give up. Or they feel sad and lonely and so they go back to words. Thats ok! That process in itself can be illuminating. But, I will say the acrimony, bargaining, deprival…it's all worth the concluding stage: when yous take your silence and the words of those around you lot.

In the Indian religions religious silence is called Mauna and the proper noun for a sage muni literally means 'silent i'.

Wisdom comes from both listening and getting through the tough part to accomplish understanding. It takes bravery non to speak and to be fully vulnerable to those around you. Once you push through there is a wonderful reward.

At some point during your vow, if yous stick with it, you volition feel amazing at-home.

Information technology's not quite happiness, but there is a content acceptance. It's as if your mind finally accepts the fact that you are merely at that place to listen. Finally the chatter in your brain will cease and you will merely exist listening.

I call this silent bliss.

It'south worth the 4 previous stages of silence. Y'all hear more, you see more, y'all are more present and you acquire so much. You will learn near others:

• I learned that emotional fright tin can stop professional success.
• I learned that if you give someone a little extra pause afterward they are washed speaking, they will often become deeper.
• I learned that people LOVE to talk near themselves–and that is a joyous thing to watch and support.

Y'all volition learn nearly yourself:

• I learned that I interrupt people.
• I learned that I have to stop fixing people. Sometimes they just want to be listened to.
• I learned that I need lots of advice and it'due south hard not being able to ask for it.

I will continue to exercise a Vow of Silence every summertime and want to encourage yous to do the same. I know a ton of readers joined me in my vow and I can't wait to hear nigh their experiences. Do you want to accept a vow of silence? Here'due south how:

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How to Take a Vow of Silence

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Know Your Why

People take vows of silence for all kinds of amazing reasons. Typically people desire to reset–they desire to speak better, listen meliorate or experience more.

When you lot take abroad one class of advice all others are heightened.

Here are a few of the most mutual reasons for vows of silence:

• No Idle Words: In monasteries of many religious orders in that location are specific places and times (unremarkably at dark) where speaking was more strictly prohibited. Useless and idle words are often forbidden to brand speech more than purposeful. Do y'all speak purposefully?
• Presence & Introspection: When we stop speaking to the outside world we plow internal. Taking away speaking as an option forces you to be with yourself. Do you accept self-exploration to practise?
• Better Listening: When yous can't talk you become a far meliorate listener considering y'all tin no longer recollect about what you lot will say next. Information technology is an incredible feel. Not needing to speak as well makes you incredibly present is what is happening around you because you can't call up about your adjacent move. Do you lot need to be a better listener?
• No Gossip: Hurtful words are impossible to accept back and tend to harm everyone involved. Gossiping is similar ripping open up a feather pillow–it is impossible to stuff all those feathers back in. Practice you speak with kindness?
• As a Argument: Some individuals take a vow of silence to have a opinion on an outcome. On November 30th many Canadian students take a 24 hr vow of silence for Free The Children to speak up against poverty and child labor. John Francis took a 17 year vow of silence for the environment! What's your purpose?

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Your Rules

Everyone does Vows of Silence differently. You have to know what works for you based on your why. If you are trying to stop gossiping and find that you gossip most with friends during the day, peradventure you lot go silent in those areas of your life. If you are trying to self-explore you lot want to pair your vow of silence with alone time and so you lot are not distracted by others.

• Times of Twenty-four hours? Some people are silent just during the day and speak at night.
• Online or Offline? Some people practice Digital Vows of Silence and go quiet on social media and e-mail.
• Writing and Speaking? Some people terminate writing AND speaking.
• How long? Some people fix a fourth dimension limit to be silent, other's continue their vow for as long every bit they feel necessary. On my first vow of silence I said I would only showtime speaking again when I stopped being agape of the silence. For me that took 6 days! For my latest vow of silence I just wanted a reminder of that feeling and fix the vow for 2 days.
• Where? Exercise y'all want to exist interacting with people during your vow to force you to listen or practice you want to be alone so you can exist introspective?

Make up one's mind on your rules before embarking on your journey.

Special Notation: Somepeople want to nevertheless write during their vow of silence. I think journaling and taking notes on your experiences is awesome, but writing notes to others is still a form of speaking. One of the all-time parts of the vow of silence is beingness completely introspective and not focused on what y'all're going to say. If you tin simply write out your answer it defeats the purpose. In fact, you lot might spend fifty-fifty less time listening or existence nowadays because you are furiously writing notes to people.

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Timing

Once you lot've done some soul searching to find your why and figured out your boundaries, you lot have to get down to the nitty-gritty planning. I take a Vow of Silence every year and have learned that the correct planning can make your vow easier and assistance you focus on what really matters. It'south important to pick a time that is conducive to being silent–and this very much depends on your goals. Here are some of the tips I accept picked upwardly along the style:

• Silent Vacation: If y'all want introspection, y'all might want to go to a retreat or hotel and allow the staff know ahead of time well-nigh your Vow.
• Social Agenda: If yous desire to be a better listener, information technology's all-time to have events or social plans on the agenda where you tin can do the fine art of listening. Ane-on-one's are actually hard because y'all can give no feedback at all and it puts a lot of pressure on them. I like 3 or more so you can listen and exist supportive but not force one person to do all the talking.
• Day to 24-hour interval: Some of the twenty-four hour period to day stuff can be the hardest on a vow of silence–ordering coffee, picking up a prescription, etc. Endeavour to pick a fourth dimension with fewer appointments and errands if possible–unless that is role of your claiming!

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Logistics

I personally don't let myself to write at all when I am on a vow of silence, except for 4 notecards that I print up and conduct around with me:

1. "I've taken a vow of silence. I'm trying to get a amend listener."
2. "Please tell me about yourself."
3. "I'one thousand distressing."
4. "This has been every bit bad-mannered for you every bit it was for me. Give thanks you for trying it with me!"

I have found that these 4 are merely enough to go past and stimulate conversation (think, mine is all virtually existence a ameliorate listener). Do y'all have a few standard phrases you think will be important? As long as your goal isn't to personally make communication as hard every bit possible, printing up a few standard phrases tin brand information technology easier so you can focus on your real goal.

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Alert People

Before embarking on your vow of silence let anybody know. It'southward too important to get buy in from the people who yous will really burden–your spouse, your kids, your colleagues. Make sure they are onboard. Specifically:

• Change your voicemail so people don't wait a phone call dorsum.
• Set an e-mail autoresponder.
• Tell your friends–otherwise they text you lot and wonder why they don't hear dorsum (sorry Christian!!)

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Set up Special Activities

Being silent is a truly amazing and unique feel and yous might desire to try some amazing and unique activities while you do information technology. I love taking long hikes and walks during my vows to think and process. Some people like to listen to music, meditate and exercise yoga classes. I take heard people who plan road trips, read old journals, expect through photograph albums or even eat special mushrooms. It's a time of experimentation–get creative.

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It'southward Selfish

I learned this during my most recent vow of silence: speaking is a gift. Information technology is a gift to be able to express yourself verbally and it is also a souvenir to those effectually you. When you terminate speaking you lot are listening to others, only yous are as well relying exclusively on them to carry the conversation for yous. You lot besides tin't reply to their question, their pleas for advice, their need for back up. While listening is a fashion to give to others during your vow, keep in mind that you are also forcing other'due south out of their condolement zone.

Quick Story:

I met with a friend during my vow of silence who is very quiet. In fact, I didn't realize how quiet she was until I was quiet too! I was actually excited to go together with her because I thought that it would be a great opportunity for me to listen to her for a change — I feel like I am always the one blabbering away. That'southward not quite what happened. I wish I could say that we got together and for the first time always she poured her heart out. While that has happened before with someone while I was on a vow of silence, it didn't happen this time. In fact, she shut downward even more than. She was only as nervous having to talk equally I was with non existence able to! Now, I honey getting people out of their condolement zone but I forced this upon her and felt terrible. She said, "this is 1 of the hardest things I have always done and you are the one on the vow of silence!" Oops.

This fabricated me realize how dissimilar people are. Taking a vow of silence can exist a personal claiming and a social challenge! Be sure to recollect about how your vow could touch on those around y'all.

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End on a High

The all-time part of taking a vow of silence is the reflection afterwards.

• Processing: Writing this post has been wonderfully rewarding for me as I process the final few days–thanks for reading.
• Gratitude: Thank the people who you challenged! My very next task is to write cheers notes to all of the people who helped me during this vow.
• Next Time: What would yous do differently adjacent time? Is at that place a next time?

I know there is a next time for me! Follow me on Twitter for my adjacent vow of silence…I hope yous'll silently join me.

Until next time:

Thank you lot for your patience as I embarked on this silent adventure.

cookthathers.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/silence/#:~:text=Special%20Note%3A%20Somepeople%20want%20to,still%20a%20form%20of%20speaking.

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